Miracles

Somewhere back in November, Sandy and I decided we needed more swimsuits. Which meant shopping. Well, if we have to shop, we have to.

We ventured into Puerto Vallarta, where, as you can imagine, swimsuit stores abound. However the swimsuits available in a resort town like this, seemed to be more appropriate for... well, someone else. Sigh... One night, with nothing better to do and a good Internet connection, I stumbled upon the website for Miracle Suits. All the suits looked like "normal" swim suits, and were offered in a variety of colors and designs. They were a bit on the pricey side, but since swimsuits comprise a huge portion of our wardrobe, that wasn't an insurmountable obstacle. But here's what closed the deal: They guaranteed that the suits would make us look 10 pounds thinner in 10 minutes! Who among women over 50 could resist?

I picked out the suit I wanted, a jungley type on a black background. Luckily I happened to notice some small print suggesting that, due to the extraordinary amount of spandex involved in the construction of a Miracle Suit, (apparently the secret to the guaranteed "miracle") you should order a size larger than you normally would. Now, if they're going to add a requirement like that, why don't the makers of Miracle Suits save us all the trouble, not to mention embarrassment of having to order a size larger, and just make the suits bigger? For cryin' in the sink! We already are a size larger than we want to be, or we wouldn't be ordering a Miracle Suit in the first place. Right? Now, we have to order an even bigger size, just to ensure that we can squeeze into it.

Never the less, since our friend, Mary, was due to visit in December, we quickly ordered and had the suits shipped to her house so she could bring them. We anxiously awaited her arrival on the 20th. (Not just for the suits. We were happy she was coming!) Minutes after her arrival, Mary riffled through her bag and produced the long awaited Miracle Suits. They were gorgeous! We were delighted!

If you're thinking, "Hmmm. Maybe I'll check out that site myself..." Let me caution you: Getting into a Miracle Suit is not a job for sissies. It just possibly would have been easier to pull on a section of bicycle tire inner tube! All that extra spandex is a force to be reckoned with. In the small confines of the ever humid forward head, I wiggled and squirmed, working up quite a sweat, which of course, only added to the challenge. It was slow work, punctuated by frenzied moments of, "Who am I kidding? This is never going to fit!" Every inch of progress required strenuous effort and a brief respite. To wipe away the sweat.

And suddenly, I was home free. In it. Done. Had it on. And let me tell you, (I'm not kidding here) it was a miracle. And worth every penny, too!